A true pillar of the community

(The following guest opinion was presented as a eulogy at the funeral for Doug Wise, longtime owner of the Sykes’ Market and Restaurant in Kalispell.)

Before I begin I would like the family and community to know that it is one of the honors of my life to be able to do this for a man I have known, learned from and admired my entire life. When I began writing this I asked the family for input on the things they wanted to convey or say. I was informed that after reading my rough draft, Judy and all the kids said that I had captured who Doug was and what he meant to everyone and that I had said all that they would have wanted to say about his life, his impact, the example he set and the legacy he leaves us.  Thank you all. I am humbled and honored that you liked, agreed with and accepted the words about Doug that are spoken from my heart.

It was a daunting task to put something like this together for a highly respected “giant among men” in our community for well over 60 years. So many memories come to mind both from “growing up” in Sykes’ and spending time with Randy and the family away from the store.

There are words or terms used so often to describe people that they become trite and don’t carry the proper impact. “Hero” is one and “Pillar of the community” is another. They are used to describe athletes and politicians or those who live in the limelight and draw attention to themselves craving “validation.” Doug REALLY WAS A HERO and steadfast PILLAR OF OUR COMMUNITY. It is impossible to count or recall the number of people he helped during all the years Sykes’ was in his hands. When you consider them, along with all their family members, the number is easily in the tens of thousands, maybe more.

I was raised by my grandparents and can’t remember not going to Sykes’. My grandfather had a charge account for groceries and would pay his bill every payday; however, there were times when things were tough and work was hard to find. During those lean periods my Grampa would tell Doug that he would be late with his current bill and Doug’s reply would be, “That’s entirely OK, Ben. Pay it when you can and get the groceries you need now and until things get better.” There were no promissory notes — a man’s word and a handshake were his bond with Doug. On top of that, one wasn’t forced to pay interest or hounded and browbeaten to pay by a certain date and he certainly didn’t turn anyone into the credit bureau if they fell on hard times. I know there are countless families in the Flathead who can relate to this.

All this Doug did because that is who he was and what was in his heart. He did nothing for attention, recognition, applause or reward — rather, because it was the right and kind thing to do. Doug had a huge heart and I know he truly enjoyed helping people and how it felt to make a difference for those less fortunate.   

I am certain there were several people through the years who took advantage of Doug’s good heart and skipped out on their bills; however, that did not alter the way Doug did business or change the way he treated the next person who fell on hard times.  

I can still picture Doug at the checkout counter with the Bic pen in his watchband and his trademark greeting, “OK who’s next, hi son, or hi dear or sweetheart to elderly ladies, or hi young man or sir” (depending on the customer) “step right up and away we go…” and continue to entertain the customer during the entire checkout process. I used to enjoy bagging my grandparents’ groceries while Doug checked us out.

My grandmother did the laundry from the restaurant (the original “lunch counter”), as well as the shrouds and aprons from the butcher shop. The first time my Grampa brought me there to bring the laundry back I walked the boxes up to Doug and told him this was the store’s clean laundry. He looked at me and asked me, “OK son, what do you want me to do with it?” Then said, “You know where it goes son, put it away.” I felt pretty darn special being able to walk into the store and behind the restaurant counter to put away the clean laundry and take the dirty laundry, then back to the butcher shop to put away their laundry and take away the dirty laundry. Buzzy and Curt Durham always joked around and messed with me and it made me feel good. Plus Buzzy would give me a package of “stew meat” for fish bait.

I loved the times hanging out with Randy when we were in junior high and a grocery truck would pull up in the alley with an order and I would help Randy and Tim and whoever else unload the truck and stage the boxes. I didn’t do it for pay, but did it because it felt good to work with Randy and Tim and help out. Afterward, Doug would tell me to get anything I wanted at the restaurant, and my choice was more often than not just a vanilla malt! I still love vanilla malts and have traveled the world but I have NEVER had one as good as those at Sykes’.

I was also allowed to help out with Randy at the slaughter house on a few occasions on “slaughtering day” and boy was that an eye opener! In short, from these times I learned the value of hard work, giving your best, and doing a job right the first time as well as the satisfaction of accomplishing something tangible. Thanks to Doug and those opportunities, I developed a good work ethic from a young age that has served me well my entire life.

I recall that Doug could issue out one heck of a butt chewing and if warranted, whipping when you messed up. Let’s just say he got one’s attention with a few choice words but when he was done and thought he had shown one the error of his ways, it was over and forgotten. Oh, and the last thing I would do was run home and tell my Grampa because he would have told me what I already knew: “You most likely deserved it son.” Plus there was the possibility of a second helping of butt whipping from him!

Doug was the ultimate “take charge” guy with everything in which he was involved, even up until just before he left us. He knew it was snowing, so he told Debi to tell Randy to be sure and “plow the hill.” Randy said he already had. Then he told her to tell him to also be sure and sand the driveway and hill. Randy again replied that he had already done that too and not to worry! That was “pure and classic Doug”!

Doug had a credo that has often been quoted by those who knew him: “There is no such thing as a stranger in Sykes’, just friends we haven’t met.” If the measure of a man’s life is gauged by the kindness he displayed to others, the people he helped or gave a “hand up” to, and the number of friends he left behind, then Doug Wise’s life is impossible to gauge or quantify. Suffice it to say that he made a huge impact on THOUSANDS of lives, including his family and people like me who are better for having known, loved and respected him.

Judy, David, Diana, Cindy, MJ, Tim, Randy and Hilda, we all know that Doug is now with Butch, Terry, Nola, Bud, Rachel, Mae, Mary, Wally and Buzzy and has been “large and in charge” since Friday afternoon! It is fitting that in the Lakota language there is no word or concept for “goodbye”; rather, when parting we say “until we meet again.” We will see Doug again.

In the meantime, God has an unparalleled cattle and horse buyer and one heck of a boss “minding the store.” May God bless the family and provide you comfort in this difficult time. Everyone here today along with countless others who are not, are better for having known you, Doug. I will miss coming to the “big table” next to the kitchen to pay my respects and visit with you a bit. You deserve a rest now, Doug, but somehow we all know that just ain’t gonna happen! May God bless and keep you, Doug Wise, “UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.”

William Whitright Tyrrell grew up in Kalispell and is a 1974 graduate of Flathead High School. He now has a home in New Mexico, and works in San Diego as the Family Readiness and Support Coordinator for Navy Explosive Ordnance Disposal.