A 'Declaration of Interdependence'

I once believed that the United States was sovereign - you know, that we could make our own laws and govern ourselves - but I have gotten over that misguided foolishness, thanks to the illegal immigration debate.

Turns out that we can make as many laws as we want, but all people (or at least Mexicans) are endowed with certain inalienable rights, and among these are U.S. citizenship and the pursuit of a better-paying job.

Since these are inalienable rights, we can't make laws that tell people (or at least Mexicans) who have entered our country without permission that they are criminals and must go home. After all, they just want jobs and U.S. citizenship same as you and me, so what's wrong with that?

I'm glad some kind-hearted people have set me straight on this, because I don't want to offend anyone. I am glad to know that foreigners (or at least Mexicans) don't need permission to enter the country because it clarifies some of the fine points of immigration for me.

But I do have a suggestion.

I noticed when I looked at a map recently that there is an interesting phenomenon that has not been reported too much - borders have TWO sides.

Which means they can be crossed from south to north, but they can also be crossed from north to south.

This is really good news for American citizens. No longer do we have to settle for a couple of weeks every few years at Puerto Vallarta or Cancun.* We can just pack up our bags and move down there. We can hire crews of cheap Mexican labor and build condos up and down the coast. This will help the Mexican economy and will also be good for us because we need places to live (we are human after all!).

The Mexican government may not like it because they have laws that govern immigration, but we are pretty sure those laws don't apply to us. After all, we hold certain truths to be self-evident - that all people (or at least Americans) are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, and that among these are Mexican citizenship and the pursuit of a happy life on the beach. Viva Mexico! (But don't forget your U.S. flags as we will be needing them for our protests against anyone who tries to evict us from our new condos!)

This may sound crazy to you, but I'm pretty sure it will work. I mean, after all, the people who support Mexicans coming to the United States illegally will surely come to our defense when we start driving our Hummers into the desert and head for the Gulf Coast, right? No one could possibly be so hypocritical as to say that it's OK to cross the border in one direction, but not in the other direction, right?

But honestly, I think there may be some other good opportunities here that we haven't yet fully realized. I mean, after all, we do have 300 million people in our country, legal and otherwise. That makes us the third most populous country in the world. Surely there are many smaller countries around the world where we could quickly become the majority should we find a way to sneak across (I mean proudly cross) the border.

We could start small with countries like Palau (where there are about 20,000 people) or the Cayman Islands (where there are 45,000 people). With no concerns about immigration rules, we could probably build up majority rule in those countries over a three-day weekend. I'm not sure about Palau, but I know it would be profitable to get control of the treasury in the Cayman Islands. We could vote ourselves "earned income tax credits" when we got there. As for Palau, we get a tropical paradise, so it is probably worth having even if there isn't much money in the treasury.

Later on, we could aim a little higher. I think even a country as big as Switzerland might be do-able. They've got about 7.5 million people, but probably lots of those are children. I'm thinking if we could get 2 million voting-age Americans to make a run across the border, we could all have a numbered bank account by nightfall.

I know, I know. It's crazy. I mean if any group of people from any country could cross the border into any other country and declare themselves citizens (or even rulers), then it would have happened long ago. Heck, the Goths would have conquered Rome, the Mongol hordes would have spread across Eastern Europe, and the Spanish armada would have been able to settle far away countries like Chile and Nicaragua.

But this is something quite different. We are not talking about Hitler sending his Blitzkrieg of tank troops and infantry across the border into Czechoslovakia or Poland. No one could possibly approve of that, right? Well, maybe we will give him Poland, and Czechoslovakia, but if he dares to cross the border into France we are going to be really mad (but we will wait a few years to do anything about it - because it is France, after all).

But that is ancient history. This is the dawn of a new era. Without borders there will never again be need of an army to invade another country. This will be economically advantageous, of course, as armies are quite expensive to feed, house and shower, but it will also be less bloody. There is no need to get in these silly wars anymore, now that we have been informed that borders are meaningless.

From now on, like-minded people will simply migrate to whatever country they want to inhabit (which sounds much more polite than "take over," don't you think?) and they will wait for the natives to throw up their hands and say, "There's too many of them. What can we do?" Then the newcomers will inform the old-timers, politely but firmly, "Nothing. You are stuck with us."

Which brings up the next question: What do we in the United States do when China - with its 1.3 billion people - decides to "inhabit" the United States. Oh well, let's cross that bridge when we come to it.

In the meantime, on to Palau!

*For the record, I have never been to Puerto Vallarta or Cancun, so please don't write to me to tell me I am a wealthy, money-hungry Republican who wants to colonize Mexico for use as my personal villa. Although I do want to colonize Mexico for my personal use as a villa**, I am neither wealthy, money-hungry nor a Republican.

**This part about colonizing Mexico is satire. Please do not send me a politically correct letter to inform me that colonialism is an anachronistic, racist, imperialist policy of exploiting peoples of color. Folks, can't we all just get along?